I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
