Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
