Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
