Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
