I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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