hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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