I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
