I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
