He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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