you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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