This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
