i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
