I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
