In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
