Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
