did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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