There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
