you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
