only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
