i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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