You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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