Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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