1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
