i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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