You smell like a Billy Joel song
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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