Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
