I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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