gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
