Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
