**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
