Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
