I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
