Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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