My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
