The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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