Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
