i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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