Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You've changed since you got that strap on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
