Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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