I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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