happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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