Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
