dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
