Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
