My liver just broke up with me...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
