I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
