Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
