he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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