You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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