dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
